Best soccer team names for fantasy football

Best football team names for 5-a-side & fantasy football

In Talking Soccer by Josh WilliamsLeave a Comment

There's many things you'll need a football team name for. You may be looking to name your 5-a-side team, FIFA team or even fantasy team. The best soccer team names are original puns, not everyone is creative enough to make their own though. 

I've compiled a list of the best team names that I can think of. These names may be offensive to some and there's a small chance some will get turned down by your league organiser. Most are a play on words using real players names.

These names are smartly organised into categories to help you find the best possible name for your team. I've also ranked the names based on how common they are, nobody wants an unoriginal pun team name.

Current player soccer team name puns

These puns are based on players that are still playing football. While some are nearing the end of their career, they're not retired yet.

Rare:
I smell Pu Nani
Guns 'N' Moses
Men Behaving Chadli
Downing the dumps
Bacuna Matata
Blink-1ETO'O
Slumdog Mignolet
Hung Like A Bony
One Trick Bony's
No Weimann No Cry
I'm Lovren It
Another One Bites the dost
Call of Suarez
The Roofe is on Fire
Shot to the Hart
You know you Juanmi
Call of Mahrez
Saul about that bass
Kroos-ing for a bruising
Tello Mama
Gueye Bender
Absolutely Muller'd
Suk Umtitis dry
Dries Lightning
The Kouyate Kid

Uncommon:
Flying without Ings
The Wizard of Ozil
Ayew Ready
The Zarate Kid
Murder on Zidanes floor
Kroos Control
Moves Like Agger
Teenage Mutant Ninja Skrtels
Sanogo on a pogo
Wanyamas in Pyjamas
Bad Kompany
Kane & Able
Philipp flop
The Big Lewandowski
Return of the Mak
Redbull gives you ings/Lord of the Ings
Costa Fortune

Common:
Lallanas in Pyjamas
Pjanic at the Isco
Who Ate All Depays
CTRL ALT DE LAET
Show Me DA MANE
BENTEKE FRIED CHICKEN
EGG FRIED REUS/Rolls Reus
Cesc and the city
Boom Xhakalaka
Baines on toast
Haven't got a Kalou
2 Girls 1 Schlupp
Robben me Blind

Retired player team name puns

Retired players deserve some love too. Just because they're no longer playing doesn't mean these team names can't be appreciated.

Rare:
Pique Performance
Get Zeefuik Kuyt
The Rythym of the Knight
As Keane as a bean
Back of Zanetti
Zig Inzhaghi
Gullit the Fire
Blanc Canvas
Yashin Hurts?
Petit Filous/Petit You Lose
Lahm Shanks

Uncommon:
Riise's pieces
Keane Learners
Kahn You Do It

Common:
Not too Xabi
Pique Blinders
Neville wears prada
Maradonna Kebab
Murder on Zidanes Floor
Puyol Pants Down

Soccer Club Name Puns

Club name puns can often be quite poor. I'm not responsible for any cringing you may do while reading this list.

English Leagues:
Arse 'n' All / Arse Anal / ArseGunners - (Arsenal)
Aston Filla / Aston Vanilla / Aston Killa / Aston Villareal - (Aston Vanilla)
Crystal Phallus - (Crystal Palace)
Exeter Gently / Exeter Quickly / Exeter Anus - (Exeter City)
Moleicester City - (Leicester City)
Manchester Titty / Manchester Shitty - (Manchester City)
Man Chest Hair United / Manchester Untied - (Manchester United)
Stroke City / Stroke TittyStoke Rugby Football Club - (Stoke City)
Sheffield Tuesday/Thursday - (Sheffield Wednesday)
Queer Power Rangers - (Queens Park Rangers / QPR)

Italian Leagues:
AC is Broken / AC A Little Silhouetteo of a milan / AC Dead People / AC Me Rollin' - (AC Milan)
Fiorentina Turner - (Fiorentina)
Genoacide / Genoa Joke? / Genoa Dave - (Genoa)
Inter The Club / Inter The Pub / Inter Yer Nan / Inter Yer Gran / Outer Milan / Inter Me nan - (Inter Milan)
Jewventus - (Juventus)
Fatzio / Fadzio / Ladzio - (Lazio)
Roly Napoli / Crapoli - (Napoli)
Romasexuals / AS Homer / Roma Round - (AS Roma)

French Leagues:
Expected Toulouse / Born Toulouse / Do you want Toulouse - (Toulouse)
Paris Ganja Man / Paris Aint German - (Paris Saint Germain)
FC Nonce - (FC Nantes)
Paralympique Lyon / Kings of Lyon / The Lyon Sleeps Tonight / The Lyon King - (Olympique Lyon)

German Leagues:
Bayern Bru
Borussia Teeth / Borussia Pubes / Borussia Hair / Borussia Boots 
Bayer LeatherShoesen / Bayer Neverlosen (Bayer Leverkusen)
"A German Team" / Borussia MunchingFlapJack / Monster Munchen Gladbach - (Borussia Monchengladbach)
Bryan or Brian Munich / Bayern Eunuch / Bayern Munchies - (Bayern Munich)
Hangover 96 / Hungover 96 / Hannover 69 - (Hannover 96)
Murder Bremen / Werder Beermen / Weirder Semen - (Werder Bremen)

Spanish Leagues
Pathetico Madrid / Athletico Madras - (Atletico Madrid)
Bilbao Baggings - (Athletic Bilbao)
All-A-Lona / Farcelona / Barca Bone Her / Leave my arse alona - (Barcelona)
No Hablo Espanyol / Yo No Espanyol - (RCD Espanyol)
Colonel Getafe / Getafe My Sister / Getafe My Lawn / Getafe My Foot - (Getafe)
Unreal Madrid / Fake Madrid - (Real Madrid)
Sevilla Lacatalent / Sevilla Lack Of Goals / Sevilla Constipation / Sevilla Depression - (Sevilla)


Rest Of The World:
Ajax Trees Down
Boca Seniors
Cross County
Fenerbackache
Fener Bar Chair
Newells Young Boys
Parmesan Belgrade
Paralympiacos
Real Salt Mine
Steau Needarest
Substandard Liege / Pubstandard Liege

Miscellaneous:
ABCDE F.C
Cereal Killers
Chicken Tiki Messi Salah
Game Of Throw-ins
Goal Of Duty
Netsix & Chill
ShutTheFAcup
Victorious Secret

Did I forget some?

As I come across more punny team names I will add them to the list. If you have some original & creative suggestions I'd love to add them to the article with credit.

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